I don't belong here
Have you ever felt like this?
Ever since I was a small child I have felt like I am different from other human beings.
I can't tell anyone this because I know there isn't anyone who will understand.
Every day of my life I feel like I don't belong in this world, like I never should have existed.
I can't live like this. I feel terrible and I don't know what to do to make myself feel any better.
I feel like a puzzle piece forced into the wrong place on the wrong puzzle.
I feel like I am here to do something important but I don't know what it is.
I think about suicide all the time, but somehow I know that I can't do it.
I feel as if my soul is constrained in a body that is not right for it.
I feel like this is not the world I am supposed to be in.
My views and beliefs are very different from other people's.
I feel homesick for something or somewhere that I can not identify.
I feel like a ghost, like I am invisible.
I don't fit into normal society. I'm not interested in the things other people around me are interested in.
I feel awkward and not the same as everyone else.
One percent of all human beings act primarily out of Inventor Instinct.
We are born that way.
Perhaps the reason why we don't feel like we belong, is because there are so few of us, and we rarely meet others who also act primarily out of Inventor Instinct.
We are literally surrounded by billions of people who do not think or act like we do, or see the things that we see. Everyone around us is acting primarily out of Warrior or Nurturing or Gathering or Worker Instincts. This overwhelming imbalance of Instincts makes us stick out like sore thumbs.
Of course we feel like we don't belong!
But, if we vocalize our feelings we are ridiculed by those who act out of Warrior Instinct, and shamed by those who act out of Nurturing Instinct. And none of them understand us. This just serves to reaffirm our feelings that we don't belong.
Acting primarily out of Inventor Instinct does not mean that we invent things.
It means that we see the biggest picture of all eight of the instincts.
And the big picture sucks.
And we are acutely aware of it every day of our lives.
Most of the advancements we have made, as a species, have come from people who act primarily out of Inventor Instinct. Being able to see the bigger picture allows us to dream and imagine, which often turns into new inventions. It is the one Instinct that fosters creativity.
We could do well in school but we see no point. We are brighter and quicker than those around us, but we are bored and uninspired by our teachers. We see unfairness all around us, and ignorance and waste. If we have any encouragement or support from those around us, we can invent amazing things. If we feel no support, but only ridicule, rejection and scorn, then we just give up. We may come to realize that nothing we do matters because when we die it's over, and we are just marking time here. Many of us contemplate suicide because to live like this grows more and more intolerable every day.
We might get into cos-play or online gaming. We may be drawn to Renaissance Faires or the Society for Creative Anachronism, LARPs, or historical reenactments, anywhere we can be a different person, someone who fits in with those around us. We may lose ourselves in drugs or alcohol or sex in the attempt to numb the awareness so we don't see the truth all the time.
The sad fact is, no matter what we do, we cannot escape the awareness that our Inventor Instinct provides us.
We cannot escape ourselves.
We have to endure the slow witted dumbed down ramblings of people who don't see half of what we see. Those who have control over many important facets of our lives are mentally slower than us. They are acting out of the core beliefs of their own Instincts, not out of a clear understanding of the bigger picture. We see the problems this causes, but no one will listen to us. All we can do is stand by and watch in horror and sadness as situations and circumstances are destroyed, lost, abused and wasted by people who have control over us.
Those who act primarily out of Warrior Instinct are incapable of empathy. They cannot see the bigger picture. Having an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex cause them to see life in terms of black or white. And, it makes them perceive enemies where they don't exist. We actually scare them. Because we see the bigger picture, we understand what true personal freedom is. We make them uncomfortable because the more we talk the more it looks like they are wrong about something. Those who act primarily out of Warrior Instinct cannot admit when they are wrong. Warrior Instinct is a survival instinct. It operates on clear judgements of wrong or right. They cannot be wrong. That causes them to fear. For them, freedom means living free from fear, and the way they eliminate their fears is to try to control the people they are afraid of.
Those who act primarily out of Nurturing Instinct perceive us as being negative and will try to put a positive spin on our feelings. They cannot validate our feelings. Which makes us feel defective, because they are acting like they know better than we do what we SHOULD be feeling. This is a lie. No one knows our feelings better than we do. They may tell us to "Just get over it". This is useless. And makes us feel even more defective because we can't "Just get over it". They may recommend medication, religion, counseling, diet modification, yoga, spiritual pursuits or just simple faith that "Things will get better". This is a fantasy. Things do not get better. Things actually get worse and then we die. This is not an acceptable reality to those who act primarily out of Nurturing Instinct. They will judge us as being pessimistic. It is not pessimistic, it is realistic.
Judging us is insulting and rude, but they see it as helpful. All they are doing is acting out the core beliefs of their own instinct to try to manipulate outcomes. Meanwhile we have to endure the insults of people who have no awareness that they are insulting us.
If you have ever felt like this,
if you feel like this all the time, just remember:
- You are not clinically depressed
- You are not from another planet
- You are not defective
- You are not alone
You are one of the one percent of human beings that acts primarily out of Inventor Instinct.
You are normal.