The Cult Of The Half Full Glass
It is a popular saying: ‘I see the glass as half full.’
You can see it in singles ads on Match.com. You can hear it in passing conversation.
You may even have been accused at some point of: ‘Seeing the glass as half empty.’
What is all this half full/half empty glass stuff about anyway?
And it is a cult.
Merriam - Webster defines ‘Cult’ as: ‘...great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (as a film or book)...’
and, ‘...a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion...’
The idea that this group of humans are devoted to is that seeing the glass as half full is a positive outlook, and seeing the glass as half empty is a negative outlook.
Who is the small group of people in this cult?
Those who act primarily out of Nurturing Instinct.
They account for approximately 21 percent of our species.
Half full is half empty.
The reality is, that a half full glass is also a half empty glass.
They are one in the same.
The only difference is the judgement applied to the object.
Our Nurturing Instinct drives us so completely to live in judgement that we will even attach it to inanimate objects, in order to to attempt to control the potential feelings and potential behavior of other people.
Trying to control the potential feelings of other people kills intimacy, and ultimately, relationships.
Which is why these people end up on Match.com.
The sad part is, those who act primarily out of Nurturing Instinct are incapable of introspection and cannot see their own behavior. They are, instead, obsessed with controlling and directing other people's behavior in order to avoid negativity.
‘Live, Laugh, Love’
‘Dance like no one is watching’
Those who belong to the cult of the half full glass will often recite quotes like these. They will even put them in the headlines of their personal ads. These are common quotes and witticisms that they believe explains their outlook on life. But these are not so much personal statements as they are attempts to teach. They are presented as suggestions or directions: "YOU should Live, Laugh, Love like I do"... and "YOU should dance like no one is watching." Those who act primarily out of Nurturing Instinct are constantly trying to direct the thoughts and behaviors of others towards what they see as positive directions.
So that's not a bad thing, right? Unless you realize, that if they are trying to direct your behavior before you even meet them, then how much more will they attempt to direct your behavior after you marry them?
And, all of this directing of behavior starts with the assumption that YOU are mentally slower than them and they need to direct you, because YOU would never realize these things on your own. Basically, they are insulting your intelligence before they even know who you are.
This is why they are single.
thinking it will get them a partner,
when it is the exact behavior that made them lose their last partner.
How the intimacy dies
There is an important distinction between WHY we do things and WHAT we do.
For example: You are climbing a ladder to change a light bulb and your Nurturing partner says, ‘Be careful on that ladder’. It's a simple statement based on the Nurturer's desire for their partner to not have an accident.
That is their motivation, or WHY they said it. You, however, are left to deal with WHAT they said. You may respond: ‘I wasn't planning on being CARELESS!’
You feel offended because your Nurturing partner has reminded you of something that is obvious. You can only guess at why they felt compelled to say it. ‘Do they think I don't know how to use a ladder safely?’
Even though your Nurturing partner's MOTIVATION is pure, their BEHAVIOR is insulting. THEY don't need to be cautioned on using a ladder safely, so why are they cautioning you? Their comment places you below them, as being less intelligent, or less aware than your Nurturing partner is.
And so we continue...
If you question their BEHAVIOR, your Nurturing partner will take it as though you are questioning their MOTIVATION.
Now THEY will feel offended.
They will explain to you that they weren't insulting you, they were just trying to be helpful. Now, they have told you that you don't actually know your own feelings. Your feeling of being insulted is wrong. And further, that they, somehow, know better than you do, what you are actually feeling, or SHOULD be feeling. By not validating your feelings, they push you away from them. They have tampered with the mutual level of respect, This affects the intimacy between you. Some time later, they will feel this distance between you, and blame it on you, saying that you just can't accept help when they offer it. Again they are judging you negatively and pushing you even further away from them, the whole time blaming you for moving away from them.
Intimacy can only be destroyed so many times and then it doesn't come back.
And so, if you move on to try to find someone who doesn't insult you, you may well be judged again as seeing the glass half empty.
Your Nurturing partner, on the other hand, may retreat into the fellowship of other cult members, showing up on Match.com with a profile that states that they see themselves as a positive person, helpful, caring and desiring intimacy. And, that they tend to see the glass as half full.